The Good The Bad And The Ugly


Was there ever something you’ve seen or heard or found out that you just wish you could unsee, or undiscover? Saturday night watching Life Time got the best of my curiosity after watching a film based on a true story…which then led to me viewing documentary after documentary until the day braked. Someone reading this is probably thinking wow…You clearly had nothing better to do!! Yeah I know…But I wasn’t tired…well up to that time..

We go about our lives happily or sadly or unknowingly…whatever… some of us are pretty nosy, others more reserved. But after all that documentary watching I sure did realize that this world is not what we think it is, and at the same time its more than we know or care to find out. The secrets and the wickedness in high places runs deep through the veins of history and far across the borders of time. People ? humans beings? we don’t know them neither do we know the the good or evil they are truly capable of.  There are times when we judge harshly and we are wrong and other times when we just couldn’t care less, going even further there are times when its not up to us.

Where on earth am I going with this? what am I trying to say? Heck ! I don’t know!! All I know is that my mind couldn’t stop thinking about what I saw, How a man could kidnap, imprison,  rape and brutally murder young children? My mind cannot  could never process what goes through a persons heart or mind when they are doing these sick things..Maybe they have no heart and no mind… When the protector become the accomplice and there is no hope and help..Where is justice? What about a husband who kills his pregnant wife and their unborn child and and all along he’s helping  the police try to find her. You say? what? or a wife who is stealing from her husband and evading taxes and then murders him in cold blood so he would never find out…leaving her children fatherless. Still not convinced that something is wrong with the people in our world… another wife brutally beaten by her abusive husband for years finally has had enough, shoots him in his sleep, goes to bed with his body in the room for two weeks, until she decides to hack his corpse into a hundred pieces and spreads it far and wide…But worse that all of that; makes her fifteen year old son dig a hole in the back yard and busy the head and the hands. Makes you wonder Who’s the monster to fear now daddy is dead?

I feel like I can go on and on…yes there are heartless evil people in this world and we hate them for what they do and the horrible unmentionable gruesome things they have done.. and Time and time again I try to understand what kind of forces brings a man or woman to such evil? But I’m force to stop and ponder…they weren’t always like that? they were not born that way, they were innocent little babies ,young children  at one point. Somewhere along the line things went terribly wrong.  Who’s responsible ? sometimes  I believe its parents, family members ,friends, society, the world or maybe even they themselves. Why you say ? that makes no sense! Ohhhh But it does; so many times we fail  to see the signs when a person is crying out for help, we ignore or just never take the time to care. I know they are those who in spite of our best effort they will not be helped, or reached…should this stop us from being better human beings to other human. No!! it shouldn’t,  but in our time we have to think of our own existence as meaning more than just getting what we want in this life. We should be ashamed that our life mission is coated with so much selfishness…that causes us to miss out on the opportunities to be a true friend or neighbor to someone. You never know ..thinking of the bigger picture  we may not just save a life but several lives, why!we may even save a nation…Because what we do may deter that individual from a destructive life path and future where they may hurt themselves or worse yet.. hurt others…  We have this tendency to think it’ll never happen to me… until it happens to someone we love or know, and they are  touched  by  the evil..then and only then we take notice…My gran used to say “prevention is better than cure” is it really not? but it’s something for all to think about…Affecting others…and to conquer the bad and the ugly by doing good.





Some people have big dreams, some people have small dreams, and some just never had a dream. Dreams are beautiful…they can make you happy,sad, confused, and they can change the world. I see a dream not just as mystical magic that happens when you lay down to sleep…One can dream wide awake,one can invite others to share in the dream , one may even touch the dream. For it comes from an inner most desire, that something great or small that we want to do that is not about ourselves. People choose to live their dreams each and everyday, whether its being a movie star, an entrepreneur, a philanthropist, rich or the next president of some existing country .

Yes indeed people are living and pursuing their dreams everyday….But..Yes a big fat BUT…there are those who are simple, their not fussy or neither do they want to be great, they just want to do something in the world that would make a difference. Have you ever had that feeling like you know there’s something you’re supposed to do? but you just don’t know where or how to start?

It doesn’t take a scholar or someone rich and famous to change the world or make a difference everyday, that will affect change in society, no it absolutely doesn’t, what it takes is love , a pure heart and care . It seems as the world turns so are the hearts and minds of people, from heartless Presidential Candidates to heartless protectors of the people, to heartless child care and elderly givers….and the list keeps growing. Everyday citizens and becoming numb to what happening around them or even in front of them. All everyone  cares to do is get  it on video and get it on social media even if it’s an injustice…the most important thing at hand to do is get it on camera.

Sometime I SMH (shake my head) a lot and my heart aches and bleeds for those who’ve lost their lives while someone just tired to get it on social media. I know Like me many persons share the same sentiment. The truth is… all we need to be everyday HERO’s Is right within our possession. When we take the time to say Simply”how are you today” “good morning” ” You are Precious” I love You” Have a wonderful day” Would you like me to Help” What can I do to Help” I’m calling to or checking in to see if you’re okay” Hows Your family” I haven’t seen you in a while just wanted to be sure you are okay”. I can think of a hundred more phrases, that can really make someones day,when we stop being so self centered, distracted and caught up in all the wrong things…Didn’t Jesus say “Let each man not  look to his own interest , but to the interest of others ” What about love your neighbor as yourself?” If we could only see the hidden hurt, pain, suffering and anguish behind the masked, learned routine, I’m okay smile… We would be ashamed and disappointed in ourselves that we did nothing to help… Too much time is spent taking situations and people at face value, too much time is spent judging ..that not our job. People are suffering and many in silence but they can no longer feel safe in trusting in flesh. So they suffer until they loose their mental stability or simple give up on the hope of something better and commit suicide.

Sometimes This is known by us to be true because we ourselves are victims. All I desire to say, is no one has to be rich or famous to affect life and affect change. All its takes is the eyes of our hearts, the time and patients to know that our great or small contribution is priceless… Yes ! everyday HERO’s are just ordinary people with extraordinary hearts.



Wrong Turn

Its after midnight… I promised to call my best friend back…wait or did she promise to call me back? either way its too late now, I totally got lost in viewing one Facebook post and video after another. Its so amazing how time flies or just cease to exist once one moves into the zone of social media.

I should be sleeping but I can’t, my mind is heavy carry the load of thoughts I can’t seem to stop or unthink. If it were possible I would flip the switch, so here I am feeling all down and low listening to R&B from the 90’s man! thats a horrible combination; as I try to bring my thoughts together about what it is exactly I desire to write about.

I feel like my life has been falling apart for a long time, several wrong choices leading to a downward spiral of events that I cant ever redeem or get back.I see my friends and family and it hits home even harder that my life is no where I imagined or believed it could be. Its a hard truth to deal with, I desire, I crave, I long for true love and happiness but I feel like over the years they have eluded me. All I know is pain, heart ache , and a dull sense of purpose. I married a man who has drained every dream and every hope from me, he stole my purpose and my identity and I’ve spent the last twelve years trying to prove my love for him and living in his world …shutting out the real world and making him my  everything. Until he crushed me to dust and my only thought of a way out was suicide…yes I couldn’t see my strength, I knew nothing else or no other way to be free, free from the madness and anger that was roaring inside of me. My daily fear was the thought of losing my mind, at times It felt like my head would explode under the pressure. So lost so hopeless so full of fear and constantly terrorized by my own mind(thoughts)

People saw me smiling, laughing even, but would never begin to fathom the internal struggle and conflict…fighting to live while wanting to die… For him my good was never good enough, he didn’t believe in my dreams or did he support them , but  why should he? it was all about him…I was there to serve him and help him and prosper him…I was no one .. nobody at least when he had something to say he would always say nobody; over time ..over the years iIcame to accept it as my name or understood this was how he considered me…NOBODY. Looking back I should have never married him, felt like my back was against the wall, so I ignored all the signs, red lights, flashing lights, danger signs, all… I spent the night before my wedding crying until three in the morning while my husband to be sleep peacefully …we didn’t speak that day , we smiled for everyone and came home and went our separate ways…they say a picture tells a thousand words, mine tells so many lies, even when I look at them I would believe..But that was before he took them and I no longer have access to them.

Who am I kidding I spent the last five years battling if a divorce was the right thing to do..I believe with all my heart in one marriage till death…This was my biggest battle and I became my own worst enemy. But I’ve come to a place either God or myself , I’ve decided I want to live because God has a plan and purpose for my life and theres no way I”m going to let the devil win the battle for my soul. My husband has shown exactly where his love lies for me, He said I was no good as a wife, I never loved him, I have mental illness issues, demon possession and serious anger issues. But In spite of this hes willing to give me another chance, If I submit to him….Well…I’m tired! twelve years together seven years of misery and emotional abuse…I’m letting go! Letting go! I’M taking my life back…I believe in God, I believe in Jesus and the only reason I’m still here to write this post that maybe no one will read…Is because God Kept me…In the midst of it all he kept me and is still keeping me and when I walk away from this I don’t ever want to look back or think of it again. Its amazing how taking those wrong turns can cost us everything as women, we have insight but we don’t see…we tell ourselves so much lies we don’t know the truth when it slaps us in the face.Some where along the way we’ve lost our sense of worth we compromise to the dirt… and we pay every single thing it cost, to be blind and to be stupid cause we lack the will to be strong and believe that we can wait and get what we are worth…

I wish I could stop every woman from making this mistake, but unfortunately it runs deep even after seeing and learning of my experience they will go on to make their own…Really? how can my story help someone if they reject it or think that it’ll never be them..until its them.

I’m done pretending …I’m done being the sad story,the failure the bad guy  I’m done…I choose to LIVE…I choose to Thrive even if I have to start all over again. I’m done selling myself short, a King gave up his kingdom and gave his own life for me even before I was conceived. That says I have the right to demand or at least receive the best in this life once I’m unselfish and willing to give the same.I am worth it…I wont doubt, but I choose to believe and live in that belief from here on forward.

I chose my ending…

TRAPPED …Beware Of The Stranger

While this is not my personal experience, It was very difficult for me to read, I feel like when things happen to my fellow woman It feels like its happened to me. I decided to share this for the same reason the young lady shared it. I have a teenage daughter and I couldn’t begin to imagine what I would do if someone ever hurts her. As young women even older ones too sometimes we get too comfortable, too poisoned by social media and our judgement is clouded. My hope is to reinforce full awareness that  while there are nice people out there so are the evil ones and the only one that cant protect you is you..

My name is Chinwe. I am 26 years old. I never graduated from the university, simply because I was stupid and careless.

On my 24th birthday, I received a nice gift. It was a blackberry phone. I always wanted one. It was like a right of passage. My ex-boyfriend got it for me. He was a student like me, didn’t have a job, and I really never cared to ask as he could afford it. My concern at that point was ‘yes I had finally arrived.’ Other girls in my Hostel had blackberries and I would always get pissed when I heard sounds of pings and messages coming into their phones at all hours and I would stare at my Nokia phone and wish I could throw it away, but half bread they say is better than none. So I hoped and even fasted to get a blackberry phone.

Looking back now, if I had the opportunity, I’d have a landline with no internet activity what so ever. Anyway I got the blackberry phone and even got free BIS subscription. At that moment my life was complete. No more going to the cyber cafes to check my emails, my face-book or twitter. I had it all at my finger tips. Life indeed was complete, or so I thought.
Anyway, I became addicted to my blackberry and also my social media applications, and since I had constant access, I quickly gained enough followers, and especially guys, mostly because I had a lot of erotic pictures on my timeline. I was popular. Finally, I felt I was the main girl. Everyone wanted to follow me. I didn’t care if it was virtual. It felt good, checking out my profile and having well over 8,000 followers, more than half of which were guys, but one particular guy caught my attention.

Till this day, I don’t know what made him stand out, but we got chatty. He sent me direct messages and I replied. He was quite a gentleman, and I can’t remember him ever asking for nude pictures unlike the rest of them. So this made me comfortable with him. His name was Tobi. He said he was a doctor. I didn’t have any cause to doubt him. He had extensive knowledge and even gave me some medical advice from time to time. We eventually moved from twitter to blackberry chat; we chatted all the time. I got so comfortable with him. I gave him my number, and that would come to be the biggest mistake I ever made.

Tobi called me every day. Some days, he called more than once. At night he would call and I would lay on my bed and have phone sex with him. His voice was so soothing. He made me do things I never thought possible. He had gained so much access into my head. I realized later I had done some very sick and twisted things just to please him. I would take nude pictures of myself. I would send him videos of me touching myself in private, and send him voice notes of me making moaning sounds and simulating orgasms, and all this while we had not met, not face to face at least.

Eventually I played into his hands. I began pestering to meet him in person. At this point I had lost my mind. I assumed I was in love with him, and when my boyfriend at the time broke up with me, I really welcomed it, for me it meant no more sneaking around.
Tobi eventually agreed to come to Lagos to meet me, all this while he had made me to believe he was in Calabar, and would take time off work to spend a weekend with me in Lagos. When I heard this, I was excited. He told me to book a reservation for him, stating he would pay me back as soon as he arrived and also he said it would make him more committed to the visit and would convince him of my seriousness. I bought it all.
He was smart. He was cunning, and I was stupid! Oh how stupid I was. The funny thing was I had sent him tons of pictures, and all I had was just one picture of him, and whenever I asked, he would claim he wanted to be sure I loved him for him, and not for his looks, and sheepishly I would try to convince him of my undying love, and would try to appease him with nude pictures of my body.
He eventually made it to Lagos. I met him at the hotel. He was tall, handsome and had a wonderful smile. He made love to me over and over, and convinced me to spend the night with him. I told him I couldn’t, because I had a test the next morning.

Now at this point, I don’t know what triggered his anger; don’t know if it was because I couldn’t spend the night, or maybe I said something else I can’t remember saying, but whatever it was, brought out a very ugly side of him. He called me foul names, and kept going on and on about how he always knew I was cheap, and he knew I was sleeping with other men. The same man whom had swept me away, slammed me on the floor. He told me of how he had shown his friends all my nude pictures and how they had watched the videos and listened to the voice notes, he told me he had made a bet with his friends, that I would actually pay for him to have sex with me, just to prove how stupid I was. Well you can imagine how I felt. I was confused and shocked, but I attempted to regain any little dignity I had left, and so I tried to mouth off at him. Suddenly he punched me in the face, and I tripped over, and hit my head on a stool.

The next thing I remembered was waking up on the bed. I was tied up, and he was staring at me. His eyes were dark and he had a sinister smile on his lips. He stood up and walked towards me. I tried to scream and realized my mouth was tapped. My head was racing. The unfortunate part was that no one knew where I was. He turned me over, and told me he was going to teach me a lesson. At this point I was naked. He raped me from behind, and I mean my anus. The pain was mind blowing. I struggled, and he hit me. When he was done, he brought out a small blade, and he looked at me for a minute and said, “this scare is going to always serve as a reminder, for girls like you always trying to be more than you are;for stupid fools like you”. He put the blade to my nipple and cut it off, and anytime I think of it, I still feel the pain.

It was like nothing I had ever felt before. He was calm, like he had done it a million times. I could feel the warm blood dripping down my mutilated breast. Tears of fear and pain running down my face, and suddenly he turned around again, this time all I saw was a flash.
I don’t know how I survived it, but I woke up in a hospital days after. Well I was awake, but my eyes were swollen shut.
It took a couple of days for me to open my one good eye, and realize d damage he had done, he had plucked out my eye, and cut my face.

He had cut my breasts up real bad, they had to cut it out, like I had cancer or something.

There was no record of who I was, cause he had taken everything. He had taken my bag, containing everything I had. I was able to tell the nurses about what I could remember, and also give them my mum’s phone number.

The hospital felt so much pity. They actually treated me for free. Hard to believe right?
Anyway I was taken home after weeks at the hospital to recuperate. It was tough!

I was blind in one eye. I had one breast and a hideous scar of my face. Talk about your signage, he did a number on me. How dumb was I! sometimes I wish he had killed me, but there are fates worse than death, and I guess this is one of them.

He was gone without a trace. The receipt from the hotel was in my name, so yes he had played me from the start.
I didn’t dare go back to school. I was sure everyone would have heard, and I was not going to become a statistic, so I decided to stay home, and mind my business, besides what do I need an education for? I’d rather stay home, because there is no rising from this.
There is no happy ending to this story. This is the simple ending: I was a victim of a sexual predator, and I let him into my life, period! And I take full responsibility for that. I was driven by greed and lack of morals. I allowed myself fall into an abyss, but well saying all this doesn’t change anything.

It’s a memory I will have to live with for the rest of my life. Well not a memory, because I look at myself in the mirror everyday.  Who would want to see a nude picture of a woman with one breast, one eye, and a stub.
I have decided to publish my story, because with the rise of social media atrocities being committed, every story can go a long way in saving a life. So while you read, SHARE and help someone back to the right path…………
If you have a daughter, make sure she READS THIS.


Died To Live


I stood there looking at her, my heart was heavy,with a kind of sadness words can never describe or any human emotions could fathom. Tears trickling down my cheeks, she was dead! dead! and only I knew it; because she was me.

Why did I not see this coming?How could I not have known? But death is the secret that no one dares to tell or whisper even to a wind rushing by. She was me…and I was her, dead; her lifeless body…My lifeless body laid there silent and still, cold and alone. I began to reflect on her life…My life, what life? I never lived and yet I had died purposeless and insignificant.

She …I had spent so many days wasted, controlled and manipulated by my fears,every dream I dreamt perished for a lack of pursuit of them. Listening to the voices of doubt and lack of confidence in all I could be. I..she never stepped out to adventure outside the concrete walls of a secured comfort zone.

So many missed opportunities , to be golden, to light the world she …I lived in. No legacy, greatness was in her head.. my head ..but I listened to the voices that said you’ll never be good enough , no one cares, it’ll never work…voices, voices of lies and doubt.

My friends… Her friends, what friends? she never made any because of fear. Now who’s going to cry for her, who’s going to cry for me? Who’s going to cherish the memory of her and carry on her legacy? She was dead, I was dead…she is me and I am her.

As the tears and pain of sadness filled the empty spaces of my non existence. I wished I had done things differently, waited for true love,pursued goals even through failures , and seek the bonds and pleasure of friendship. Why did I not trust in the one who created me ? Why? Why?did I have to die so soon and unexpectedly. Why didn’t I choose life while I lived… If only, If only I had a chance to make it right I would, I could …ceasing each and every moment.

The dept of my sadness knew no words. Suddenly I heard someone calling my name..her name. Opening my eyes, with tears flowing like a stream in the wilderness, I heard a voice so caring so concerned asking me what was wrong? I took a deep breath and sighed, It was just all a dream, just a bad dream.

It’s a beautiful gift to be alive, its time to stop dreaming wake up and live. Live your dreams, make them a reality .Share your gifts, your life with the world and change it forever, don’t be afraid to believe and soar…know that through Christ We can do all things. Look around and see people are doing what they love everyday, the world is waiting for you, me and for us to make the difference, to impact change for the better.

Cease the days you have, one goal, one invention , one dream at a time… don’t wait for something bad to happen to you or someone close to you,so you can forcefully learn the lesson of appreciating the life you have in you.LIVE… and make each and every day of your life count for something great.



Attending to the small

the love story project

I’m not getting much writing done these days. Partly this is because I’m back to work and teaching can be demanding. But my classes are new—new material and new approaches and new conversations—and after a year spent sitting alone in front of a computer, I’m happy to turn my attention outward, away from myself and my preoccupations and toward a room full of young, thoughtful people. Students get a lot of flack these days but the think pieces I read about them almost never match up with my experiences in the classroom. And right now, I’m having a really good time there.

The other reason I’m struggling to write is that writing feels trivial compared to the ongoing injustices that are consuming all my attention. Writing itself isn’t trivial; it’s a necessary tool for speaking to and about those very injustices. But still, writing about love when all I…

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